malapit na naman sumapit ang kaarawan ko. at tuwing dumarating ang ganitong panahon, naiisip ko kung ano nga ba ang nangyari noong nakaraang taon. ito ang mga panahon na tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung gaano ba karami ang natutunan ko at gaano karami ang naituro ko sa iba, ilang tao ba ang naimpluwensyahan ko at ilan ang nakaimpluwensya sa akin, ilang tao ang natulungan ko at ilang tao ang nakaperwisyo ako. Read the rest of this entry »
remembering the blessings
i was meaning to write a meaningful entry about the blessings i received last year but i can’t find the proper motivation to do it. but then, i realized that I don’t need any motivation or inspiration to think and remember how God had blessed me the previous year. Read the rest of this entry »
with closed eyes
With closed eyes I feel you near me
With closed eyes I can see your face
With closed eyes I feel your warm embrace
I don’t need no picture with me
To remind me of how we used to be
All I need is a sweet memory
Though you’re gone and I’m alone
You’re never really far whenever I close my eyes
‘Coz baby…
Chorus:
With closed eyes you’re really there beside me
With closed eyes you’re really there to guide me
With closed eyes you will always be here with me
I don’t need no picture with me
To remind me of how we used to be
All I need is a sweet memory
Though you’re gone and I’m alone
You’re never really far whenever I close my eyes
‘Coz baby…
(Repeat Chorus 2x)
With closed eyes
This is Dingdong Avanzado’s song, I can’t remember which album though. And I’m not really a fan, but I really love this song. When I first heard this song, I probably associated this with a friend whom I haven’t seen for a long time. But right now, this is my song for my dad who passed away on Aug 2005.
With closed eyes, I hear him say “what do you want to eat for lunch?”. With closed eyes, I can see him drawing/painting something. With closed eyes, I can play scrabble with him. With closed eyes, I see him playing computer games.
Even if I don’t close my eyes, I know that he’s with me. Even without closing my eyes, I know how much he cared for us and how much he loved us. Even without closing my eyes, I know that he’s guiding me, looking after me.
I don’t need no picture with me, cause I always have him in my heart.
a prayer
I know I’ve been complaning a lot lately. You must be tired of all my rantings about guys and work. I know that You’re really patient and that You’ll listen to my non-stop complaints. I know I haven’t been talking with You recently, and when I decided to talk with You, all I told You were complaints. Thank You for never giving up on me, and for always listening.
I know my heart’s been restless these past weeks. Though I already know the probable reason for it, I’m still not sure on how to deal with it. I also realized that I’ve become proud and so full of myself. Forgive me if I forgot that You’re the source of my skills. I forgot that You’re the source of everything that I have right now.
I pray that may You teach my heart to be patient and content. Teach me to work diligently, despite of all the hardships that I may experience. And help me to change my complaining to praising, my rantings to thanksgiving. And may I see the works of Your hand in my life.
lenten recollection
Melanie invited me to attend a lenten recollection prepared by IYG (International Youth Gathering) in Osaka on February 24. It’s been a while since I last attended any kind of recollection so I said “yes”.
The speaker for that recollection was Consul Senen Mangalile of the Philippine Consulate at Osaka. And someone shared after the talk. I learned many things in the talk and sharing but there are two words that would best summarize what the lenten recollection was about. LOVE and IMMERSION. Immerse ourselves in God’s love for us so we could love ourselves and love others as well.
the recollection ended with a presentation of the 7 last words. for every word, there’s a reflection and a song. probably my favorite reflections were for “It is finished.” and “I am thirsty.”
“It is finished.” I’ve known the draw bridge story since i was in college. but after hearing it again after many years and though Saint’s version was not the gory version that i know, it still had the same effect on me.
“It is finished.” That was the draw-bridge operator said to his boss at the end of his shift. “It is finished.” His boss had no idea what had happened that day. “It is finished.” The draw-bridge operator brought his son to work that day. He promised his son that he would bring him to an amusement park after his work. Being a child, his son asked him if he could play outside, and he said yes. The day passed quickly, and before his shift ended, he saw a ship coming towards the bridge. This would be my last ship for the day, he thought. When he heard the honk of the ship, he noticed that his son was playing in the middle of the bridge. He shouted at his son, but he’s too far to hear him. He shouted again and again, and the cruise ship was getting nearer and nearer. As seconds pass, the ship’s honking continously and it was getting louder and louder. Who would he save? His son or the people on the ship? Then he decided.. he pulled down the lever and the bridge was raised. As the ship passed by, he saw that it was a cruise ship, with people dancing and drinking. they’re so happy partying, oblivious of what had happened. they didn’t know what he had sacrificed for them to be saved. After the ship passed, he lowered the bridge and his day was finished. “It is finished.”
“I am thirsty.” All of us experience a certain ‘thirst’ in our lives, and we try our best to quench this thirst. Drinking and getting drunk with friends may quench this thirst for a while, but after the laughter and becoming sober, we’re still thirsty. We tried to quench this thirst with material things, buying the latest. But after a while, boredom will come and we’re still thirsty. We also tried to quench this thirst with relationships. Some platonic, some romantic, some just physical/sexual relationship. Though we’re with someone, we’re still feeling the same thirst. “I am thirsty.”
I’ve learned so many things on that one day. And I met so many new friends. And I had to admit, it was a bit nostalgic for me being there. To IYG, thanks for the very inspiring day. And to Melanie, thanks for inviting me there. 🙂
What I did on Good Friday last year…
Being in another country is not an excuse to do my Catholic obligations. Being in another country made me want to do these things even more. It is like a challenge to me to be faithful, especially when everything around me is so different from what I had before.
I took a leave of absence on Good Friday. Actually, I wasn’t allowed yet to have any leave of absence because my stay here was less than 6 months. Fortunately, shachou (Murase Denki’s president) allowed me to take the day off. (I asked permission to my supervisor, Hirata-san, and he’s the one who asked shachou about me taking a leave of absence). I spent my Good Friday at home. I just watched some movies. I started with Ten Commandments. I think it was about 4 hours. While watching, I was eating crackers, I was abstaining from meat.
After the movie, I prayed the rosary. Then in the afternoon, I started watching “Passion of the Christ”. I really can’t watch it straight… I can’t look at the monitor when they (Romans) started to whip Jesus. That movie really made me cry and made me realized all the things that I’ve done. I also reflected on the wounds of Christ. Which of those wounds were made because of me? It’s like for every sin that I make, the Romans give him one whip or struck his nails or added weight to the cross that He was carrying. All of these I realized, and then I was thankful that He died on the cross because of His love for me. And that I was so sorry for the things that I have done and for causing Him so much pain.
Thank you Lord for loving me.
Old Hurts…
sino ba naman ang makakalimot sa mga taong naka-hurt sa’tin? kung mahirap makalimutan, mahirap ding ma-forgive ‘tong mga taong ‘to. well, i’ve been reading this book and here’s the entry about “Old Hurts”…
Even if we have done our best to forgive, we will not necessarily stop hurting. We may have to pray through the old hurts again and again over a long period of time. Forgiving does not automatically mean forgetting it. If it did, forgiveness would be easy and shallow, instead of the costly thing it really is.
If pain from the past comes to mind, it is generally best to receive it head-on and let it flow through us. Pushing it away will only make the wounds fester deep within us. Some have benefitted greatly from imagining Jesus standing beside or behind them when thay remember painful scenes. Others do not find imaginative prayer helpful, and have to make do with just being there, in the middle of pain, however foolish that might feel, and letting that be their prayer.
God works in each of us differently, and it may be that he wants us to work through the pain more slowly by facing it with Him. If we genuinely want to forgive, our basic desire still stands, no matter how painful memories continue to shake us.
We are all in the middle of the process between the beginning of forgiveness and its ultimate fulfilment. As long as we keep offering our memories to God, guilt is the last thing we should feel when old wounds continue to take their toll.
this is just an excerpt. and the entry ended it with a prayer…
Lord, this is what happened…
I give it all to you, every detail, every hurt, the big things and the petty things;
Let the pain I feel be for healing, and not a spring of bitterness.
Make my wound Christ-centered and for people, rather than self-centered and against them.
Though it hurts, and anger is still there, let God be with us and let Him be a friend. He is there to comfort us, if only we ALLOW Him…
Carpe Diem! 